I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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