She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
