U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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