note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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