im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
