God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
