i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
