my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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