he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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