Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
