your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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