Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
