I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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