Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
