sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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