I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
