He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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