How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
