I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
