The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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