Swine flu. Run for my life!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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