I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
