OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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