I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize