honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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