Why are handjobs necessary in class?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
