I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
