he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize