That's intense
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
