I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
