Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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