Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
