the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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