You're so nebulous sometimes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
