she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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