at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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