I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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