i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
