I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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