I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
