I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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