my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
