I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
