Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
