Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
