I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
