She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
