I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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