You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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