party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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