Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
