you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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