So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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