i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
