I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
