He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
