I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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