shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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