I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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