they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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