He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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