Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?