and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.