yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
