she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
