3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
